FIGURE D

The lapels have little pouches for ear buds and loops for the wires. Nope, needs-a-shave-boy here is not the author, either! Click picture for a larger image.

The patent-pending Personal Area Network (PAN) allows you to run wires inside fabric channels throughout the garment to interconnect all your devices. Many of the inside pockets are made of mesh so if the PAN doesn't pan out, you can always do like they say in the Navy and "make a hole!" through the mesh. Once all your gadgets are installed, you can run this jacked-up jacket through the airport scanner to save time dashing for that last-minute flight.

Techno klepto
Another clever feature is the self-closing magnetic windflaps arrangement on the front of the SCOTTeVEST that allows the jacket to "button" itself. They also avoid the embarrassment of ripping open noisy hook-and-loop fasteners during that quiet movie love scene and having people glare at you. The magnets have been tested by the company and proven safe for storage media and electronics, but be aware that they are strong enough to securely grab a metal dinner fork as well as hold the SCOTTeVEST closed. Don't ask me how I know this, but I won't be going back to that restaurant any time soon.

Take a load off
Wearing a fully vested SCOTTeVEST is quite comfortable thanks to the wide padded shoulders that spread the weight out evenly. An optional zippered fleece lining is available for cold climates. The SCOTTeVEST comes in several different materials. The Version 3.0+ model is made of a breathable waterproof fabric called Finetex with a lining of Dupont Coolmax material that wicks moisture away from your body and dries quickly. It is called a vest is because the sleeves zip off and can be stored in one of the pockets.

Quest for vest
There are way too many features to cover here so be sure to read all about it on at SCOTTeVEST's quite entertaining website at http://www.scottevest.com. The folks at SCOTTeVEST are truly masters of marketing. The SCOTTeVEST has gotten more exposure than Janet Jackson at the half-time show. A company that sponsors a racing Mini Cooper and features customer "Vestimonials" is way up there in my book. Be sure to see the photo, snagged for Figure E, of all the gadgets one of their users packs into his SCOTTeVEST. I quit counting after the crescent wrench, bottle of cologne and can of hairspray.

FIGURE E

Can you possibly have too many toys? This is a picture of a real SCOTTeVEST customer (and once again, not Dan). Click picture for a larger image.

The Vest of the story
Standard models come with highly reflective piping across the back and on the side pockets for excellent nighttime visibility and safety. A non-reflective "Stealth" version with no external markings is only available for law enforcement and military use. For those dressier affairs, the company now offers a great looking sports jacket version with the same PAN and panoply of pockets. They also have "The Greatest Baseball Cap Ever: TEC Hat" with two hidden pockets, hidden earloops, and CoolMax mesh interior. You're sure to get a real charge out of their latest eco-innovation, a model with a solar panel on the back to keep your hungry electron-eating devices topped off.