Where are the Robbie the Robots from Forbidden Planet? Where are the Danger, Will Robinson robots from Lost in Space? Where are the Rosie the Robots from the Jetsons? Dare I even ask, where are the R. Daneel Olivaw robots from Asimov's Robot series? The science fiction most of us grew up with promised us a veritable army of stainless steel, electronic, mechanized servants by now. Where are they? I'm tired of waiting. I'm still pretty young as far the span of a human life goes, but before I die, I'd like to have my own, genuine, real live (as it were) robot.

Robots of yesterday
Let's take a ride back to the 1980s. Are you aware that there were personal robots on the consumer market in the 80s? There were several different models and makers, but the two I remember most vividly are the B.O.B (which supposedly meant "Brains on Board") by Androbot and the H.E.R.O. line by Heath. These were not a remote-controlled chassis in the image of an automaton. They were legitimate, thinking, semi-learning, mobile computers.

B.O.B.'s design was unique in that it only had two wheels and canted at about a thirty-degree angle that kept the unit stable even when not moving. B.O.B. had infrared and ultrasonic sensors that allowed him to see and hear. He could interact with his environment and communicate with his users.

The H.E.R.O. is the one I remember most because I wanted one. It was about three feet tall and looked like a space heater with a keypad on top and an articulated arm. H.E.R.O. had several different personalities that could be programmed and even had a speech synthesizer. These robots could be programmed with simple games like Simon, could maneuver their way around their environment on their own, and learn their environment. They could act as motion sensor alarms, alarm clocks, and even transport and manipulate light objects when equipped with the arm.

Now granted, these robots were really nothing more than glorified toys, but for the time, these robots were amazingly advanced. Especially if you consider that the Visor I'm writing this on has more memory and a faster processor than any of those old robots did -- or any PCs on the market at that time, for that matter. Considering the technological level of these robots twenty years ago, and Moore's Law governing computer technology advancement, shouldn't we have artificially intelligent synthetic humanoids by now?

It's 2004, people. Where are all the robots?